All posts tagged: reflections

What I Might Have Told Myself (One Year In)

Having just passed the one year point of running my own non-profit functioning – arts collective/business entity thing is something of a triumph, because despite the lack of referential models and extremely limited business experience, we made it this far. We’re at a point of assessment, evaluation and revision. One year of data in the form of incidents, project successes, delays and failures, trouble-shooting, and make-it-work moments has given us a model to at least move forward from. This was always part of the deal: to weave our own path as we move on it. There is this word – 感慨 (gan kai), something like an emotional imprint that causes you to sigh, to pause, to exhale – a moment of littleness in the presence of something bigger: knowledge, a person, truth, recognition. This post is my 感慨 in the presence of the last year, Turning over the recent past The learning curve is steep and full of turns. This means if you keep yourself open to understanding and learning, there’s no way you can’t learn …

The 1/2 MA Post – An Index of Thoughts

It always takes long to come to what you have to say, you have to sweep this stretch of land up around your feet and point to the signs, pleat whole histories with pins in your mouth and guess at the fall of words. – Dionne Brand, Land to Light On Currently curled in an indent into a drowsy between-semester ball. This semester flew by and yet it seems like I’ve been back in school for ages. The amount of reading I’ve had to do over the last four months stretches the distance between me as I stand now, and me as I walked into this degree. As promised in the 1/4 post, here is a halfway check-in. — More than ever, I feel disinclined to stay in the academy after this is all over. As my peers rush to complete PhD applications, apply for internal and external funding, or try to cobble together something that sounds like a worthy research proposal, I check in with myself again and again to ask, “Hey, how are …

OOTD: Old = New

We’re very keen to reinvent, revamp, and renew ourselves. I guess it is a cycle fuelled by the constant access to social media and other people’s representations of themselves all over the internet. It’s hard to nurture our own confidence sometimes when everyone elsewhere seems to be doing it the way you envisioned, but better. The sweater, skirt and stockings I’m wearing in this OOTD are all at least three years old. The boots are a new addition to my wardrobe, which I got for free from someone else’s wardrobe cleaning. They are fabulous and exactly what I’d been looking for. It is nice to be able to call a piece of clothing ‘friend’. This sweater marked the beginning stages of my interest in trying new styles in my fashion. These stockings have been darned up many many times because they are too comfortable to discard. Now I love trends and shopping for new styles and outfits, and I sometimes buy things that I fancy, but cannot envision wearing too much. Other times I buy …

OOTD: In Black and White

With December announcing itself through the giant blanket of snow on the ground, I’m taking some time to turn over in my head what time has settled into a quiet layer of dusty forgetting. This year I graduated from university and took a gap year. This year I began to embrace a completely different rhythm of living and found the unknotting process painful but refreshing. I have come another step towards comfort in my skin. Now that I am firmly one-third through my growing pains, they have ceased to be growing pains and are merely that quiet process of being that is also becoming. I have learned more than I imagined again, about my fullness of self and my relationship to this world I live in. The irregularities of being a freelance writer is something I love greatly. The fact that I do not operate on a clearly defined schedule means I am constantly forced to be proactive about searching out projects and work for myself. To do this, I have to be engaged with …

OOTD: A Face That’s Come a Long Way

I’ve had to wear glasses since the wee age of 6, and for most of my life I hated wearing them. They seemed to brand me as a certain type of person to other children, and then as a teenager to myself. They meant grief, a certain sense of inability, and a pair of shackles. When at the age of 12 I began to wear contact lens for the first time my whole world changed. Literally. It was the first time I felt that I could be beautiful, and began to associate my beauty with my face without glasses. There was a time where I would not leave the house, even to throw the trash, without my contacts on. Now at age 22, 10 years later, the struggle has finally brought me to a place of peace. It has been a long time, full of ups, downs and breakthroughs. But I am glad I have walked through this way. Like autumn, our relationship with our beauty is seasonal, gradient, and ever changing. I would like …