I have been restless.

Over the course of almost two years now, I’ve been stuck on the same piece of land.
I have been to multiple shorelines, but the other side has never been the places I am looking for.

My land-locked feet are waiting. Waiting for that rolling wave of humidity that will meet me again and again. Waiting for a particular kind of sky and a particular kind of mountain. Waiting for a familiar type of rattle and a certain kind of human density.

Some days I think I could give up everything here just to embrace the sound of the cities I love and have not seen for so long.
Some days Toronto has no hold over me.

I often feel like the other language of me is straining against my skin, 偶爾它強烈的思念讓我旋轉,使我的世界繼續旋轉。They depart in place of me. These words.

這是一封情書吧。也是一種風箏。

I miss the cities grown into my bone.

這翻譯不了的思念我只能用字來握住。

I have been thinking of the slippers I wear all summer at home, with their sunken grooves where my heel hits heavy against the ground (a habit of walking my parents can hear in the house). How the rainwater pools in them during typhoon season, how the leaves stick to my calves and the ends of my toes.
I have been thinking about where I might go to watch the sunrise and an ocean, or maybe a sea.

IMG_4361

懷念那代表我成長的香港,懷念那為我畫上句點的台灣,也懷念我深愛卻陌生的新加坡。

The never ending transit of my living.

最近在想,我回去的時候會發現多少個錯過。
親愛的城市啊,你這無數的日子裡變的如何?

記得我嗎?記得我嗎?

This is not nostalgia. 因為我要的依然在。
Just another kind of longing, which breaks down at the edge of this language.

I once told someone that my future is an act of returning.
I am working hard to step into places I stepped out of.

追的不是過去,而是今天明天的自己。是完整的我。

“雖然我還不知道,前方等待我的蜻蜓會是什麼?
但是很久後,我一定會非常懷念。”

Have you ever tied string to the tails of dragonflies?
我沒有過,可是我一直知道,蜻蜓代表著即將來臨的雨。

而我最懷念的,一直都是我最愛的城市裡,下的雨。

Posted by:jasmine

Jasmine is an editor, poet, and community arts organizer. She comes to poetry by way of Chinese music. This blog is a mapping of ways.

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