This is a bit of a cheat post, as I’m cobbling together photos from the last week and a bit to create something like a mood board for my current state of being.
These days are full of necessary action. I work four jobs, therefore, I work those jobs. I have to eat to have energy, therefore, I eat. I have to sleep in order to work, therefore, I sleep.
Necessity is one of those forces so wonderfully perverse. It has an unstoppable motivational power, but it is also such a greedy, demanding thing. Necessity doesn’t stop until you’ve laid everything at the altar.
I guess the trick around all of this is to try to reimagine most of what we conceive as necessary into something else. There are many nuances to this process, but I think the interrogation is the fruitful bit. Having to spend time mulling over my pursuits, my actions, my decisions in the light of whether or not I really have to makes me more conscious about how I am living each day.
Some days, it is necessary that I have a cup of tea. Other days it is necessary that I save those dollars for a dream.
How I like these days; this see-sawing of my brain and my heart on an unknown future. I really want to embrace every year of my budding adulthood, even in all its precious naive confusion. I relish the painful process of learning how to pace myself for what life has to offer.
One day I will look back, and figure that everything that did happen was necessary, since the person I am then cannot escape being the precise result of all those things.
I feel like I might have just talked myself into a circle.