As I get older, I find that my relationships get more and more loose. What I mean by that is they are no longer tightly woven into my life, but like a knit, are expanding into larger, looser interlocking connections.

This process happens over and over again for us, particularly those of us who move from place to place, who have to start over, who have to move on.

Still, as I get older, I hold on tightly to the familiarity of those who have known me for longer. The novelty of starting over again and again wears off after a while. But at the same time, there is not much I can do to change the fact that this will happen.

I can only change what I do in the meantime.

How I put effort intentionally into my relationships is akin to waking up every morning and choosing what to wear.

I check the weather, the conditions I am stepping into. Then I put on what empowers me, what gives me joy.

Relationships have seasons, and they have temperaments. Is this relationship stuffy, is it warm, is it sporadic, is it steady? Making sure I know what kind of relationship I happen to be having with this person means I can be intentional about making my choices.

Subsequently, when I choose what to wear, I can choose anything in my wardrobe. Likewise, there is no standard way of cultivating  a relationship. What is important is that I am ready for the weather, and more than that, I am empowered and joyful to go about my day.

As I get older I find that when November gives you a warm day, take it, work it, enjoy it. I will worry about the cold later. I will decide again tomorrow.

I have stopped overthinking the loosening relationships in my life. I want to take them in their seasons and enjoy them in all the conditions they offer me.
What then will I wear for today’s weather?

Posted by:jasmine

Jasmine is an editor, poet, and community arts organizer. She comes to poetry by way of Chinese music. This blog is a mapping of ways.

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